SUMMER VACATION
I ‘m home again after two whirlwind weeks in Massachusetts. I flew up on July 31st and spent two mostly sweltering weeks in the Berkshires, Gloucester, towns in western Mass. and then home again on August 14th. I drove more than 1000 miles while in the state.
Since then I’ve been realizing how exhausting those two weeks were. I’ve been playing catch up now that I’m back.
It was a good demarcation highlighted by visits with family members, some I haven’t seen for decades. And with friends, old and new.
I‘m home again after two whirlwind weeks in Massachusetts. I flew up on July 31st and spent two mostly sweltering weeks in the Berkshires, Gloucester, towns in western Mass. and then home again on August 14th. I drove more than 1000 miles while in the state.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 12:24 PM (Click Here to Comment)
WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 2010
GRADUATE SCHOOL INTERRUPTUS
The summer term is coming to an end this week. One more final to take
and I am done. And really done, because I learned, shockingly, that I
owe Nova more than $2000 for the summer term. Naively, I plunged in to
the studies, believing tuition costs were covered by scholarships, only to to learn more than halfway through the semester that only a third was covered. The balance remaining is what’s owed to them. So I am taking
a leave of absence while I reconnoiter and determine how to proceed.
First of all, I have hated on line learning. It may be the mode that today’s young people like, but not me. I like the contact with class-
mates, professors, teaching assistants. I like to see and hear people,
not type like a lunatic or try to decipher what’s being said in online classes.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 2:28 PM (Click Here to Comment)
FRIDAY, JULY 9, 2010
GRATITUDE
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 8:22 PM (Click Here to Comment)
MONDAY, JUNE 28, 2010
SUMMERTIME-
We had an outboard motor boat. My Dad bought one and a Scott-Atwater 7.5 horse power motor. That HP and speed was considered average, even fast,in those years. Nobody had anything faster except for one affluent family who did have a 25 HP Johnson, and we looked upon it and them as something amazing. We had hoped for a Mercury or Johnson motor but Dad , typical of him, got a good buy on the Scott-Atwater, so that’s what we got.
My Dad loved a bargain and was always hunting for one, so when he found the boat and motor as a fraction of the cost of what other people paid for theirs, he was delighted with himself and his bargain. Never mind that it never ran well, was actually a lemon, and that it was slower than any other boat on the lake, my Dad felt proud that he had bought it for less than half of what the others cost.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 3:33 PM 95 COMMENTS
MONDAY, JUNE 28, 2010
SUMMERTIME MEMORIES
Today is June 21st, the official first day of summer. Lots of memories of summer abound.
When I was a kid that actually meant something: It meant that hot summer weather was here or coming. In Massachusetts, where I grew up, it was sometimes cold and rainy in mid June and we had to believe that summer was coming because it did not appear too summery, weather-wise.
It meant that school was nearly over because, unlike Florida where the kids are out of school in late May or early June, schools in Mass. didn’t end till late in June. We were all book and school-weary and ready for summer, teachers included, but we didn’t talk about it much and certainly the teachers did not express any burnout issues. The term “burnout” didn’t even exist back then.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 3:30 PM 93 COMMENTS
SATURDAY, MAY 29, 2010
QUESTIONS AT THE BEACH
The other day I decided it was time to escape from books, assignments, graduate work.
I went to the beach; left early to get there ahead of the crowds, went with a favorite old friend,chatted and caught up with each other the whole way going and coming.
While there we walked, then sat to sunbathe. Soon after, a large group of kids – we guessed right, from a high school - came along. There were a lot of them, at least forty or fifty. We watched their playful energy and activity (with some envy) for a while and then it hit me.
They were kids from a Christian school. How did I know that?
• None of them had tattoos or piercings
• All the girls were wearing one piece bathing suits (on a beach where bikinis abound – no flesh showing on these beauties.)
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 12:48 PM 233 COMMENTS
FRIDAY, MAY 21, 2010
MORE THOUGHTS ON CONFLICT RESOLUTION
As I told you in last week’s blog, I have returned to school to get a graduate degree in Conflict Analysis and Resolution.
I have put a stake in the ground and said I’m going to do this and I will do it to the end, but I can see it won’t be easy. I guess it’s not supposed to be, else why would people with advanced degrees receive the validation and compensation they do.
For me it will be about new learning and confirmation of what I already know and believe; i.e., that conflict can be resolved by means other than violence, domination, submission and warfare.
I want to learn all the newest theories being put forth by experts in the field. I want to see a world that reacts to conflict with a different response.
I am tired of the waste brought about by war. I have experienced no fewer than six wars entered into by the U.S. in my lifetime; seven if you count the ongoing one in Israel. I have watched the news and read accounts of the atrocities and devastation that have accompanied these wars and I only know that it has to stop.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 1:57 PM 1463 COMMENTS
THURSDAY, MAY 6, 2010
RETURNING TO SCHOOL - NEW STYLE
I have started graduate school at Nova Southeastern University. The school is located in Ft. Lauderdale, but I am enrolled as a Distance Learner (euphemism for “on line student”). That means I can stay in the comfort of my home office here in Central Florida and earn a Masters Degree in Conflict Analysis and Resolution.
That is, if the college will ever get the software program up and running that one of my professiors is using.
At first I thought it was my lack of technological savvy that was at fault, but when I finally reached a Help Desk person yesterday, I learned it is the fault of the college.
The frustration is maddening. I am not someone who is familiar with this mode of learning and so any glitch throws me for a loop. Happily, one of my profs walked me through his more intelligent approach to learning and I am ready for his class whenever it gets going. But the second class is a nightmare of technology-related glitches. No amount of anxiety on my part brings about the responses I need.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 8:31 AM 92 COMMENTS
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 28, 2010
NEW HORIZONS
I have enrolled in Nova Southeastern University Graduate program. I will work toward receiving a Masters Degree in Conflict Analysis and
Resolution.
For most of my life I have been engaged in bridge building work, bringing together people and groups that did not know each other before.
I never knew it was so simple.
People like getting to know a person they considered the "other"
before. Then they are not afraid or suspicious any longer; rather
there is care, concern, compassion and new understanding of who
the "other" is.
The premise is a simple one: Getting to know someone is to hold dear and be respectful of what he or she holds sacred and dear.
That's all there is to it. Its simple, but its not easy.
I have decided to pursue this course of study because I believe that we have entered a period when we have come to learn that war is futile, a waste of precious treasure and time. We have matured enough so that we can use other methods of connecting with one another. We no longer have to kill or dominate one another in order to feel victorious.
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POSTED BY THOMAS AT 7:46 PM 92 COMMENTS
SATURDAY, APRIL 24, 2010
WEDDINGS
Today I went to the wedding of my friends, Jan and Gary, in Evinston, (near Gainesville) Florida.
It was a glorious testimony to their love and their intention to make a new life together that will help each to grow to be better and more. I certainly wish them that.
The wedding was held in a hay barn at Jan's family farm. The weather was perfect with a cool breeze blowing. Nobody felt uncomfortably warm and everyone, like us, who had travelled long distances to get to the wedding was thrilled with the fancy PortaPotties. As fancy and nicely appointed as the nicest powder room. Provided for lots of comments.
Best of all was seeing our friends Jan and Gary so happy and surrounded by so many who loved them and wished them a long and happy life together. As delightful was seeing the love and support given them by their families. Food was sumptuous and typically Southern fare, which means delicious. And great to see old friends and new, all there to celebrate and bless the newly married couple.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 7:05 PM 95 COMMENTS
THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 2010
EARTH
Today is April 22, 2010.
It is Earth Day and I drove by the park in Winter Park to see them telling that story to whoever would listen. Not many people were there.
Earlier in the day the city gave out free trees. Perhaps for that there were lots of people who showed up.
Earth Day reminds us that we are, in fact, living in a critical time when we need to pay close attention to the condition of this planet. The picture is not good or pretty.
Everyting I read tells me to live differently. To be more aware. To reuse, reduce, recycle everything.I wonder if we will wake up in time.
My generation has obtained some pretty bad habits. It will take a whole new approach to living to change the way we do things. I hope the younger generation will make this their cause and teach us, lead us in a new direction.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 11:57 AM 90 COMMENTS
THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 2010
LISTENING
My husband died in July of 2008. This July will be two years since he is gone and one of the realizations I am finding is that I don’t have anyone to talk to as I did to him.
One thing you could say unequivocally about Frank: He was a terrific listener. Countless people came to him for just that quality of his. He knew how to listen without judgment, without preconceived notions, and (with the tiniest correction) would keep his advice to himself and just listen.
How rare that is!
Most of us are great talkers. We know how to do that from when we first learn to talk. But listening is a whole other skill. Some people would say that listening may be the most significant gift we give each other and I am inclined to agree.
As someone who had a spouse for 22 years that listened to everything I had to say (trivial, important and everything in between), I can attest to the value of having someone who listens.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 11:42 AM 95 COMMENTS
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 7, 2010
CO-HOUSING
COHOUSING
Years ago my husband and I began exploring co-housing as a possibility for a new way to live. We saw ourselves happily living in a cooperative community, being more responsible stewards of what we had while sharing resources with others.
That idea went away after some research and trips to two different communities, neither of which seemed to fit for us.
Then, in 2008, he died, leaving me alone and wondering how I would live as I grew older. Co-housing became an interesting option again. And then a friend sent me an invitation to an all day workshop in Sarasota during which that community would be exploring options with a consultant down from North Carolina. I wrote back and said “let’s go” so four of us piled in Jean’s car and made the trip. I’m glad we did.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 7:20 PM 93 COMMENTS
SUNDAY, APRIL 4, 2010
SOME THOUGHTS AFTER 3 WEEKS OFF
Writing a blog requires daily attention. That’s how serious bloggers do it. One cannot check and discover that the last blog was written March 12th and today is April 4th. That’s three weeks and surely I’ve had something to say
in that time. (No question about that with a life as busy as mine and opinions/observations running rampant after every activity!)
In that time, I’ve attended a workshop for “Women Living in Community”, an exploration of co-housing as an option for women living alone. The presenter was a woman from NC who
has experimented with various forms of housing and came to Sarasota (where the workshop was held) to share her expertise with others. A whole other blog will follow on what I learned and where that subject stands now in Orlando with the four of us who attended from here.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 2:39 PM 95 COMMENTS
FRIDAY, MARCH 12, 2010
Tree Cutting
Outside my office window is a green space I like a lot. Often I find myself gazing there; remembering nature, calmly waiting for inspiration to come.
Today the tree service people have been at work for over an hour, cutting down a dead pine tree. I am glad to have them here, doing it, so I don’t have to think about the dead tree falling on my house or any of my neighbors’. It was a huge old tree, now with withered branches and dead limbs. Many of us have requested the tree service come out to remove it before it does any damage to life or limb or property.
But not without thinking about what the loss of the tree means, really means to us in suburbia.
A huge tree, a source of shade when it was in its prime. Shade is very important in Florida where it is hot and sunny for months at a time. This summer it will be hotter in the green space as a result of this one tree being felled. I cannot help but think of the clear cutting being done in other parts of the world, where healthy trees are sacrificed for commerce or oil or whatever the reason.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 7:05 PM 92 COMMENTS
SUNDAY, MARCH 7, 2010
Half the Sky
I have just returned from the special showing of “Half the Sky”, a film inspired by the book of the same name by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. It was a spellbinding experience to hear people of such stature speak about the conditions for women in poverty-stricken areas of the world. And the actual filming of women in places like Ethiopia, Cameroon, Nepal was galvanizing. It is not a pretty picture, but it is changing and hopeful.
Women and girls are the ones who build the community and the culture. Altruistic as it might seem, the benefit comes to all of us if their world is more stable and productive, has less poverty, better education and health care. We live in a global community now and the issues in underdeveloped nations are as close to us as were the ones of our next door neighbors twenty years ago. Now it is time to turn our attention to the plight of women and girls in oppressed and often violent cultures.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 10:20 AM 100 COMMENTS
TUESDAY, JANUARY 26, 2010
RELATIONSHIP BUILDING
“ Today we better understand that humane behavior toward feared, stereotyped "others" requires empathy best acquired in face-to-face, sustained human engagement. “
The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis by Jeremy Rifkin
What I have come to learn over the years of doing Peace work in countless arenas is that it all boils down to relationships. By knowing and learning more about other people so that we don’t fear and suspect them, we can learn from them, can see the similarities and the differences that exist between us. We can learn to love one another and act accordingly.
I know now that war and violent response to conflicts are fruitless and usually a waste of precious resource. When I read recently that 20 schools could be built in Afghanistan for what it cost our government to deploy and maintain one soldier for one year in that country, I knew how insane war as a response to conflict is. What I know is that we need more viable and practical ways to respond to conflicts, ways that have economic credibility as well as psychological value. We need to have a credible and respectful strategy for analyzing and managing conflicts , whether personal, interpersonal or global in scope, as we do when we use war and violence as the solutions. And we need to think much longer term than we have been for the past several decades.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:03 PM 93 COMMENTS
TUESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2010
ABOUT THE COAKLEY/BROWN RACE IN MASS.
I don’t know what Scott Brown’s win in Massachusetts means. I am a native of that state. The Kennedys have been synonymous with Mass. politics for as long as I can remember. Now they are gone, a memory, a philosophy spurned.
Brown is now on TV, giving an acceptance speech and I must say his humor is as offensive as his win. When he offers up his daughters (to their embarrassment) as if they are his chattel, I know he is a man whose voice I do not want to hear for the remainder of his term in the Senate. He panders to the lowest common denominator in the American psyche. I do not like him.
What this will mean to the Democratic party is uncertain. I only know that tonight I am feeling defeated, depressed and discouraged tonight.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 7:52 PM 89 COMMENTS
MONDAY, JANUARY 11, 2010
ON SERVICE
January 11, 2010
On Service
I’ve been on a cruise for the past week. Most of the week I was cruising, it was rainy, overcast weather.
I don’t think of myself as a cruising type, but it was quite wonderful to be the recipient of European-style service and to feel so special for five days. The crew of the ship is mostly from countries in Europe and so there is a high priority given to serving the guests really well. At one point, I offered to help the desk clerk move something not too heavy and she was mortified to think I would do it. “You’re on vacation” was her response and wouldn’t let me touch the item, instead got another crew member to help her.
How different when one is subject to American servers.
Our culture does not encourage or promote a service mentality. People who take those jobs do not take them with an attitude of serving, rather of making a few bucks. Customers can feel the difference. It is lovely to feel “served”, waited on, cared for. It is not pleasant to feel that the one serving you is doing it reluctantly, grudgingly.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:12 PM 94 COMMENTS
MONDAY, JANUARY 11, 2010
ON SERVICE
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:10 PM 88 COMMENTS
FRIDAY, JANUARY 1, 2010
ABOUT MARRIAGE
Today I had breakfast with my friends, Adele and Jim.
I watched with interest as they made their way through some thorny, married-people places. Mostly it had to do with boundaries and personal styles. Adele is very gregarious and open. Jim is quieter and more contained. He loves her ease with strangers (she doesn’t know one) but he is also put off by it. Sometimes her straightforwardness with people seems too forward or intrusive to him. Today, that was the case.
I watched with interest, now more fascinated than ever by the dance that married people do. Since my husband died a year and half ago, I am more fascinated by marriage relationships than ever. Perhaps I am trying to understand what Frank and I made possible for the other, or perhaps what we didn’t.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 6:09 PM 94 COMMENTS
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2009
HOLIDAY TIME IS HERE
Holiday time means that many single, widowed or divorced people have heavy hearts.
If you’re lucky enough to have a family that embraces you, no matter what your status, then you can get through these days more easily.
But if your family is like so many contemporary families, i.e., caught up in their own “thing”, you are likely set adrift and left to fend for yourself during these six weeks (from Thanksgiving through New Years)
I am one of the latter and I’d like to tell you how I got through holiday time 2008 and again this year, 2009.
Last year, my husband of 22 years died a few months before the holiday season. I was doing very well, i.e.,I was doing my life and keeping very busy. Then the holidays arrived and with Thanksgiving I was jarringly reminded of my status – single and alone. On that morning, I hit bottom and found myself volunteering at a local strip joint that was serving dinner, free of charge, to the homeless and elderly in the area. That was good.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 2:21 PM 112 COMMENTS
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2009
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
When I watch television, I am reminded of the blog I wrote earlier about the lack of civility and decency that seems to be the M.O. in American discourse these days.
Life has gotten cheaper and more crass in the past few years.
What used to be considered distasteful and raw is part of the ordinary conversation now. Language has gotten bluer and less shocking.
How many times in the past few days have you heard the “F” word used casually? Used to be the most improper word one could speak or hear. No more.
Same for dress, behavior on the road, behavior in groups. Have we lost our moral compass that tells us what is acceptable and what is not?
Now I am wondering if what we are sacrificing is niceness in the name of truth-telling. Are we dropping the superficial good manners and being more up-front and honest with one another?
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:48 PM 89 COMMENTS
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2009
Preaching a Message about Aging
How can one rant and rave about the realities of aging when it is clearly a class issue?
Wealthy, upper-class women have access to any number of alternatives to growing older --massage, spas, plastic surgeries, medical care and treatments, every kind of pampering that all impact the aging process.
How then shall we preach//teach a message about loving one’s body when so many women have never been taught this lesson and can’t afford to pursue it now. How to get the help needed when the price is out of range for many less privileged women.
Aging is clearly a class issue.
When recently I spent a few days at a high end spa (as the guest of a friend),I realized I could spend hundreds of dollars receiving treatments that would enhance my body, mind and spirit. I could have pain relieved, learn new habits and practices, and probably prolong my life this way. But these are not an option for me and countless others unless we are willing to make some significant sacrifices.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:37 PM 5600 COMMENTS
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2009
BOOK IS READY
The book I wrote that is filled with the stories of me and Frank, our marriage, his death and the role of our wonderful community is now out there for all the read.
I leave for Atlanta for the Crones Counsel annual conference on Wednesday and will speak to that group about the book. I regret I won’t have copies to sell yet, but will take orders and hope that my talk inspires lots of interest and sales.
I am amazed to see how “hot” the subject of death and dying has become in just the past year. I never thought of myself as “trendy” but now I am. This little book tells the story of Frank’s dying and death and the many lessons I learned from that experience.
I am reminded of the 60s when so many of us realized that birth was an important rite and we needed to be more conscious and awake to know what was happening. Thank you, Dr. Lamaze, for helping us get there.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:06 AM 227 COMMENTS
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2009
SOMETHING IS AMISS
There’s something amiss in the US these days.
Call it mean-spiritedness.
It shows up in many different ways. (You can write your own thoughts or experiences in the “Comments” section below.)
One example that really got my attention happened a couple of weeks ago when I attended a local Town Hall meeting. I went hoping to learn more about the confusing Health Care Reform issue. The place was full to capacity when I got there, but the cop monitoring the door found me a single seat up front.
The subject got some partisan discussion from the local state senators (neither of them terribly impressive) and was then opened to questions from the floor. As is often the case, the questions were more like comments. Most of them offered mostly heat, very little light. I was not getting my confusion abated one bit.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 4:53 PM 434 COMMENTS
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2009
BIRTHING A BOOK
They sent me a hard copy to review. I was thrilled to see the great photo of me and Frank on the cover. I was also pleased to see what a good job Tom and Steve had done converting the files to the PDF format. With a few changes it will soon be ready for publication and distribution.
My good friend Melissa had offered to host a launch party sometime in mid to late October. She and her friend Janni will be offering some of their delicious goodies. I will be offering the book and you will be receiving an invitation to the party as soon as we know when the books will be available.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 7:45 PM 98 COMMENTS
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2009
092809
Dear Friends,
Some time ago I sent word that my book about life with Frank, his death and the role of our community would be out soon. Well, that time has come!
The book is titled: I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS NOW: A Wife’s Story of Being Present Through a Time of Death and Dying. (It’s a long title, but nobody ever accused me of being taciturn!)
I am happy to tell you that the final manuscript went to Amazon.com (BookSurge division) and the book will be available directly from me after October 5th for $12.99 plus $4.00 for S&H, for a total of $16.99. Send a check made out to me at the address below and I will send you a signed copy. Or it can be ordered from Amazon.com after October 20.
So there are two options for you.
I hope you will read it, find yourself or people you know laced throughout. All of it is a testament to the love and life we experienced during Frank’s life, as he was dying and after his death.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 1:08 PM 232 COMMENTS
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2009
Confessions of an Elderwoman
Birthday Cupcakes
It is my 63rd birthday.
Emily is not quite seven.
She has been quick to point out that I am now nine times older than her.
I am the guest of honor at a breakfast birthday party.
My daughter and her daughter have baked birthday cupcakes for the party.
Chocolate and vanilla, white icing and brown.
They are decorated with M&Ms and other candies.
Two candles are stuck in one cupcake.
My two youngest grandchildren, Jesse and Casey, climb on to my lap, unprompted by their parents or me.
The two older ones, Josh and Emily, crowd around me, very close.
A big round of “Happy Birthday” gets sung to me in robust and spindly voices by the guests present.
It is a moment I want to remember forever.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 3:24 PM 233 COMMENTS
FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 2009
About Women
Because I believe that the time is NOW for women to speak out and be counted; to have our point of view listened to, heeded and honored, I am writing another book, the third in the trilogy. This one is now titled KEEP TALKING: The Voice of a Woman. I plan for it to be out in 2010.
It is heartening to see in the press many books and editorials being written on the subject of the world being “saved” when women step up to save it from crises.
There are countless books on the subject and clearly, the same women’s movement that captured my attention and best thinking twenty years ago, has moved forward into new areas of effectiveness and leadership. I am glad to be alive to witness it, and to be a part of it, albeit now as a crone
If this latest book does nothing else, I hope it will wake you up to issues of dire importance, so that your voice may also be heard.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 6:18 PM 92 COMMENTS
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2009
On Grandchildren and Grandparenting
This is the lament of a grandmother with pre-teen grandchildren. It wasn't always the way it is now. I've tried what I know to do in order to effect change. Let me tell you about it.
I’ve been through that wonderful period when the grandchildren were young and all gaga over me. They thought that Nana hung the moon. To them, I was the one with the cool ideas, fun games, amazing field trips, great gifts, delicious cookies, and endless stories.
Nana’s house was a fun house compared with theirs. Beds came out of the wall for sleepovers, sheets were silky smooth, and there was always toothpaste and maple syrup. Plus, Nana never ran out of toilet paper. I knew how to be with kids without bugging them all the time about good manners or bedtimes.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:17 AM 504 COMMENTS
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2009
The Death of an Ex-Spouse
We were married for 22 years when we separated and then divorced in 1979. That’s a long time to be married. Its an even longer time since we went our separate ways into new lives. I have remarried and so did he. Early attempts to blend our multiple children and families at holiday times were a disaster and I gave up on it, recognizing that the karma was all off and more painful than pleasant. (I have always envied people who divorce and manage to create a whole new family constellation from the many adults and children.)
Then, after nearly 28 years of separation, I received a call from my daughter (his too) to tell me that her father was dead. I was out of town when the call came, high in the Colorado mountains, experiencing a winter snowstorm. Leaving early to fly home was not an option and besides, I was not ready to step into that drama. I stayed on for two more days, receiving lots of loving counseling and insight from wise and caring friends. By the time I got home, the funeral was over and my role was to comfort my adult children and four grandchildren. I did this, even went so far as to hold a birthday breakfast party for our 12 year old grandson the morning after I arrived home. And then it hit.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 5:03 AM 1126 COMMENTS
SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 2009
About Book 2
In July of 2008 my husband of twenty-two years, Frank Sheehy, died. The experience of his dying and death were profound and I learned a lot from that time and from him. This website will tell you more about the book and about this step on my life journey.
This is Book ll in what will eventually be a trilogy. Book l was written in 2000 to tell the story of my son Joshua’s battle with cancer. That small book was entitled: I Haven’t Talked About This Before: The Story of a Family’s Journey into the World of Cancer. That story happened in 1965 and 1966 when Josh died of the disease. It took me 35 years to write that story. I was 27 years old when Josh died and the experience was the decisive event of my adulthood. Until 2008, it formed and shaped my attitude about death and loss.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 11:09 AM 11323 COMMENTS
SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 2009
Death of one’s child
In 1966, my oldest child Joshua died from cancer.
Back then, who even knew what cancer was? When the doctor told me he was going to do a biopsy of the stye that kept growing on Josh’s eye, I didn’t even know what a biopsy was. Friends withdrew, thinking that cancer might be contagious. There was no internet. There was no google. It was not considered “patient responsibility” to get the information we needed in order to know what was happening. The doctors told us what we needed to know. That ended it.
Perhaps the most dramatic difference between then and now was having a community of friends and family and having an understanding of the role of one’s community during a time as critical as that time was.
The person was came through like none other was our next door neighbor, Marge Lewis. She stepped right in, assumed the care of our then three-year old second child, Jonathan. We all knew that blending into their family would be the most natural thing for him and cause the least amount of upset. And so it was. Marge cared for him and loved him throughout that ordeal. I never had to worry about Jonathan’s safekeeping while my attention was focused on Josh. I hope that you have a Marge Lewis in your life if and when you need her.
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POSTED BY LOUISE SHEEHY AT 11:09 AM 116 COMMENTS
